Words by Jamila Holder
In light of the #relationshipgoals and #Bae revolution dominating the social media
world, it’s easy to be consumed with the
desire to be in a relationship. Be honest!
You know you start to daydream every time
you scroll past another “In a relationship”
status. I know I am not the only one that
asks, “Why am I STILL SINGLE? When
God? When will it be my turn?”. Perhaps
you have considered, are considering or
have already embarked on the mission of
“finding your bae.”
I will let you in on three relationship secrets
I have learned over the years about being
Lesson 1: Danger! Things are not always
what they seem!
He was slick! He even came to church to
prove he was interested in a relationship. He
had studied me, knew what to say and was
quite intelligent. I was naively 21, preparing
to graduate and was sure I was ready to
mingle. He wasn’t saved and had a terrible
smoking habit, but I was going to change
him. He was my first and last attempt at
missionary dating. Needless to say, it ended
badly! He did teach me an important lesson
though: when you start with low quality
ingredients you end up with low quality
products. Be real! You can’t make people
Lesson 2: “Desperation” + “Wrong
time” = Wrong way to start!
He was a youth leader, he loved God and
he was handsome! I honestly thought he
was “the one.” What else could you ask for?
Surprisingly I could have asked for a whole
lot more. For instance, did his character
behind closed doors match that of his
public life? I learned quickly that perhaps
I needed to redefine “the one.” When you
are desperately looking for something, you
might just find it but only to realize it is not
what you needed.
Lesson 3: You attract who you are.
This was a bitter pill to swallow. Have you
ever wondered why you attract or are at-
tracted to certain types of guys? You know,
The moral of the story is this: singleness is
not a curse. It is the gift of self discovery
that prepares you to attract the right person
at the right time! I am proud to say I am still
Advice to youth/young adults? Don’t be afraid to be
yourself because there is only one you.
Singleness is not a curse. It is the gift of self discovery that
prepares you to attract the right person at the right time!