When you’re single, you often hear
this line: “You have to be a whole person
before you find a partner. God should
be the One who completes you.” Which
is absolutely true, but it’s not just about
being whole before you find a romantic
relationship, it’s also about maintaining
your identity while in the midst of a
The thing with identity is that it’s a
constantly changing, evolving thing.
Sometimes the changes are for good,
and sometimes for bad. Because your
identity isn’t something you reflect on
all the time, it can be hard to notice
when you’ve started defining it by the
For Christians, identity means so
much more than how we define ourselves, it’s about how God sees us too.
If we are Christians, then we should
be striving to be more like Christ in
everything we do. Our whole identity is
meant to be centred on our worth as
children of God and our desire to be
more like Christ.
This isn’t just a Sunday-School message that’s meant to make us pray or
read our Bible more; this finding identity
in Christ is for our own good (as everything else written in the Bible is).
The danger that threatens our identity in a relationship is also the most
beautiful part of a relationship – love.
God created us to crave and seek out
God created us
love. It’s part of our nature. However,
when in love it’s easy to get our worth
from the person we’re in love with. They
validate us, they tell us we’re beautiful,
they make us feel safe, and they’re a
dedicated support in our life. If we aren’t
paying attention, we may suddenly find
nothing matters more than that loved
one’s opinion of us.
to crave and seek
That’s where the danger lies. There
are a lot of people who get caught in
abusive relationships, or ones where
they just aren’t happy, because they’re
scared to lose the validation and worth
they get from being the “treasured”
person in someone else’s life.
God’s love is nothing like that. God’s
love is never changing. It’s not something we need to work for, and certainly
not something we are even able to earn.
It’s not dependent upon how we look
that day, or what season of life we’re in.
He won’t let us down. He always wants
the best for us and in His infinite wisdom
knows how to bring the best out. In His
love there is no pain, hurt or rejection.
Our identity is completely and totally
secure in His love.
That’s why it’s so important to be
confident of our identity in Christ’s love,
because with that as our foundation, and
that as the truth we centre our soul on,
we can face relationships and breakups
and in the end still come out whole –
bruised maybe, but never broken.
People let us down. They always will,
because it’s in our nature. But when
they do, it doesn’t have to destroy us.
It doesn’t have to break our spirit. It
doesn’t have to steal our worth.
We are not defined by the love another human bestows on us. We are
defined by the everlasting love proven
when Christ sacrificed His life to give us
life. This is our hope, and this is how we
can stand firm through any relationship
ahead in our life, no matter the outcome.
“But we have this treasure in jars of
clay to show that this all-surpassing
power is from God and not from us. We
are hard pressed on every side, but not
crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned; struck
down, but not destroyed” ( 2 Corinthians 4: 7-9).
Crisis Finding Myself
in My Father By: Emily Cook