set up for disappointment. Jesus himself
only had 11 people that formed his most
intimate group of friends, and only three
of them were His closest companions.
Pastors are human. They have a limited capacity to care for people, just like
everyone else. So I do not expect them to
be superhuman. I don’t expect them to be
mistake-free either. I forgive if I feel hurt
by something a pastor says or does.
In more than one of churches in which
I’ve served, I’ve seen other young leaders
receive more favour and attention from
the pastor. At times I felt slighted and ignored. I struggled with jealousy. But it was
a sifting experience for me. It produced
godliness in me. Whom was I serving?
What was my goal? To serve Christ? Or
to seek to gain favour from a pastor who
would reward me with his friendship and
maybe a staff position?
I do not expect pastors or leaders to
initiate contact with me. I take the first
step. I have a busy life with my work and
family, and so does everyone else. It is my
job as a member of the Body of Christ to
pursue fellowship. I know people who feel
sorry for themselves because nobody calls
them. That’s the sin of self-pity. The way
out is repentance and taking positive steps
toward healthy relationships.
Friendship isn’t the first word I would
use to describe most of my relationships
with pastors with whom I’ve worked.
Coworker, leader, mentor, overseer and
authority are more accurate. Sure, there has
been an element of friendship with each
pastor, but a deeper friendship only develops with a special set of circumstances.
Values, Priorities and Practices
Do you share the same theology of worship? Do you speak the same musical worship language? From one denomination to
another, the spectrum of worship styles is
broad. There’s great variety within movements and denominations. For worship
leaders to know if they belong, they need
to know what overarching guidelines the
pastor has established. There needs to be
ongoing clarification regarding the philosophy of worship and worship leading.
Ongoing communication and adjusting the
style and approach to worship leading is
often needed. Clear expression of expectations between the pastor and worship leader is essential for the team to work in unity.
In some cases, some of these elements
will not be clearly defined because the pastor implicitly trusts the worship leader. They
know the worship leader is aware of the historical precedent of worship in that particular church, and they will lead in a manner
that fits the personality of that church.
Talk about issues. Have the courage to initiate discussions about pastoral decisions
you don’t understand or don’t like. Begin
by asking questions, not confronting. Seek
to understand the pastor’s viewpoint before you give your opinion. I have to fight
against my natural tendency to defend my
viewpoint, my “turf” and myself. If I go into
a meeting with guns blazing, I’m not pursuing peace.
I’ve been a senior pastor. I know how
difficult it is. I know what it feels like to
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